Pray

Last night, some things hit me hard. The illustration of the seed and good soil was one of them. How I feel like that good soil that hears the Word but doesn't understand the comparision to a 0-7 year old was the biggest. So many times I still feel like that 0-7 year old wanting to be around his parents all the time because he is learning about life but has no clue about it. I'm 35 and still don't understand life at times but the longing to be with my parents hasn't changed. Even though they are 900 miles north of me. We always talk about fellowship in our RBF and while Sabrina & I have some good fellowship with friends here, nothing has compared to what we had with my parents. Someone poured their soul out and I felt for them and wanted to cry with them but couldn't. I couldn't even cry during Passion of the Christ! Yeah, it's a movie, but everyone around me is bawling their eyes out and I sat there, Stone Cold. Feeling the pain, but not moved enough to tears. I guess I am realizing how much I really am in my nickname. A lot more Stone Cold than I realized. My prayer is to release the Stone Coldness inside of me to feel other people's pain and share tears with them. I want to release that pain that I have buried that doesn't want to come out. Pray for me, whoever happens to read this. Right now, I just feel very isolated and needing to be alone. I'm thankful for music to lift my spirits up. I'm thankful for God's Word in my Life. Reading Isaiah has been so uplifting to me. Worshiping God right now is taking a new meaning as I feel that I'm in a dark place. And I long for that peace.